When you are part of a couple, when you have been together a
long time, autonomy can sometimes be sacrificed. You may compromise certain
principles so that you can manage a certain level of harmony in the
relationship. Maybe you have relinquished certain hobbies and replaced them
with those of your partner’s. Maybe you have children who take up a large
portion of your free time so when you are finally alone with your partner you
are too exhausted to exert energy into the relationship that should be on the
forefront. Whatever the reason for discontent may be, couples counseling can
change the approach to your relationship for the better.
Couples therapy forces you to improve communication and
confront any emotions you have been avoiding in the past. An effective couple’s
therapist will break down your walls and expose your strengths and weaknesses. Doing
this will either strengthen your relationship indefinitely or unveil the ugly
truth, which may be that your relationship is done. Even if you discover in
therapy that you should no longer be together, it will not be a waste of time,
because you are probably finding out truths about yourself that you otherwise
would have been ignorant to.
Healthy relationships require a strong balance of independence
and dependence. Being in therapy will help you achieve that balance and will
modify dysfunctional behaviors. How long you commit to this path of improvement
is entirely up to you, but don’t wait until things are really bad before
entering into couple’s therapy. Studies show that those who wait too long for
therapy have a much higher divorce and separation rate than those who don’t. Your
therapist can only do so much- even if they are a spectacular counselor- the
rest is entirely up to you and your partner.
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